To Run or To Fight
by Dee Lee
Summary: Kate's thoughts during the finale scene in I do. Please R&R! Oneshot.


**To Run or To Fight**

Disclaimer: Do you think I own Lost? Honestly? No.

Summary: Kate's thoughts during the final scene in "I do" and a little bit after.

A/N: Wow, this is the first fanfic I have written in a very long time (I promise I will finish the other ones, lol) and most of this is just dialogue from I do. So Spoilers if you haven't seen that episode yet. Oh and most of the stuff in italics are either thoughts or flashback type things. Go easy on me guys and please review? I'll love you for a very long time, lol. And also, do you think I should keep this as a one-shot or keep going? Love you all! - Dee.

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When Kate woke up, she could barely believe where she was. She was lying in Sawyer's arms. She breathed in and smiled. After all this time, she was finally with him. It sounded almost weird to her. When they first crashed on this island she could never, never have imagined this. She could never even have thought that she would fall in love with Sawyer. Jack, maybe, but definitely not Sawyer. Lying in front of him, with his arms wrapped securely around her, she didn't feel strange at all. She felt as though this was how it was supposed to be. She felt comfortable. So comfortable, she didn't even notice that it was pouring rain.

She had been denying it since their first kiss. It had been a mere chore for her, but it had turned into something else. Something that wasn't just lust. Every day after that she lay in her tent at night wishing that she could get over whatever it was that she felt for him. Get over the fluttering feeling she had when he smirked at her, or the electric surge that ran through her body when they spoke. At that point she didn't want to feel anything for him, not even pity or anger. She wanted to love Jack, she had to. She wanted so badly to fall for him, for the good guy. She couldn't fall for a man who reminded her of a man she hated so much, but yet she did, and it made her sick. But he had changed after that kiss. She would even go so far as to say that he became a good person. And slowly, she fell harder and harder. His past was similar to hers, and he accepted her.

But those feelings she harbored for Jack were always there, and she guessed they still were, even now. She knew that no matter what happened now between her and Sawyer she would always feel something for Jack. She would always care about him and in a way she was glad that she would.

But especially in the last week, Sawyer had become her hope and the reason she was still fighting. There was no denying it after he kissed her the second time. She was in love with him. She had figured that he loved her too, but she did not want to say anything. The way he looked at her after their kiss, when he told her she tasted like strawberries and how defensive he had been of her told her that. When she lied and told him she didn't love him, she saw the sadness in his eyes and it had hurt her to say it.

His behavior had scared her after when they had taken him away for a few hours. The mysterious "watch", the obvious lies and when he didn't fight back had terrified her. If he wouldn't fight, then she had no hope. She was suprised that she didn't just break down. When that girl had said "They're gonna kill your boyfriend" she immediately knew she was talking about Sawyer and she had to do something. She had pleaded for Jack to do the surgery to save him, but to no prevail. Even Jack and the blonde woman had realized that she was in love.

And that's what led her to where she was now. She had always had arguments with Sawyer, but this one was different. He had been so sincere when he told her that he didn't want her to loose hope that she just couldn't contain her feelings anymore. She had kissed him. A short and simple kiss that meant so much. Unlike the first which started as a chore, or the second which was half an escape plan, this kiss was completely because she loved him, and it was all she wanted. _I don't know_, she told him. Ha, that was a lie and she knew it, she just couldn't say the words she wanted to say.

He had kissed her back, this time more passionately and before he went any further he had stopped, and with his eyes asked for her approval. That look had made her weak in the knees and she responded by kissing him fervently. She knew that she was the only one he had ever shared that look with, and it made her smile, and it didn't even annoy her how perfect his kisses were because all she could do was take pleasure in them. Kate couldn't believe, as could Sawyer, that they were finally having sex with each other, and that made them so extremely happy. If Kate had one word to describe it, she would have said romantic. It was slow and pleasurable and just what she needed.

And after, just lying in his arms made her ecstatic. She couldn't believe that this was the man who had shot the polar bear. The man that shot the Marshall for her. The man that made her kiss him just so she could save someone's life. But there he was, and in her eyes he was her own Prince Charming and that was all that mattered to her.

"_I know your type," he whispered, forcefully pulling her in. _

"_I'm not so sure," she almost spat back. It was men like him that disgusted her. He had a cocky smirk plastered on his handsome face. Kate was strangely reminded of Wayne and she immediately disliked him. She could tell he was the type of guy who got in relationships for one thing._

"_Yeah, I've been with girls like you." _

_Sure he was attractive, but that was all. That was all. He didn't know her. He could never understand._

"_No girls exactly like me," she said quietly, only audible for him to hear._

When she woke up it only dawned on her that they were going to kill him. Her heart sank. No, Sawyer couldn't die. Not now. And as though fate were interfering, she could see Pickett and a man walking towards the cages at that exact moment. It only occurred to her then that it was raining as well.

"Sawyer! Sawyer!" she said quickly, waking him up and getting out of his grasp.

"Well, well, well, look who got out of her cage!" Danny Pickett smirked, walking dangerously towards them.

Kate jumped up, still holding onto to Sawyer for dear life. _No, no, no!_ Her head was screaming. Her heart was pounding extremely fast and she was drenched from her head to toes.

"You shoulda run while you had the chance," Pickett said menacingly. "Let's go, James."

"Don't, please, you don't have to do this!" Kate pleaded desperately, flinging herself in front of Sawyer.

"He's coming with me and there is nothing you can do about it. Step away."

"No," she whispered, horrified.

"_It must be exhausting," Kate sighed, glaring right into his blue eyes._

"_What's that?" He asked innocently._

"_Living like a parasite -- always taking, never giving."_

"_Well, you got me pegged, don't you?" But hell, she was right and they both knew it._

"_I get it now," she said thoughtfully. "You don't want off this island because there's nothing for you to go back for. Nobody you miss. And no one misses you."_

_It was harsh, she'd admit it. But he completely deserved it, and it was true._

"_Oh, and you're feeling sorry for me," Sawyer said smirking. _

"_I don't feel sorry for you. I pity you," she answered honestly. What really hurt her though, which she hadn't been expecting, was the terrible sadness in his eyes._

She could feel a tug as Sawyer tried and moved her to the side and made a punch at the other man and then made a lunge at Pickett's throat. But just as he had done so, the other man had grabbed Kate and thrust her against the bars. She tried to struggle but the man had a gun on her. She felt so absolutely pathetic, especially when Sawyer saw her and she knew what he was going to do. She couldn't do anything and she knew he was going to die because of her. She felt just as pathetic as on the day Tom died, and even more than when the Other's captured her and Jack had to give up to save her. He was going to be murdered.

"You let go, or I'll do her too," Pickett grunted, nodding at Kate. "Let go!"

"Don't you let go!" Kate cried. She could see him releasing his hold.

"Don't even think about it, Sawyer! You fight!"

But she knew that he would die for her, and it tore at her heart that someone would ever care so much about her. She didn't deserve to be loved. Sawyer released his hold and Pickett pushed him back.

"Sawyer, don't!" she screamed. She had never been more terrified in her life.

Pickett pushed him out of the cage.

"_I've seen you, you know."_

"_Seen me what?" He said slowly, turning around to face her._

"_With that piece of paper -- the one you keep in your pocket. Seen the expression on your face when you read it and how carefully you fold it up," she spoke loudly and clearly and in a tone as if taunting him. "It means something to you. So you can play games all you want, but I know there's a human being in there somewhere. Give me the medication."_

"_You think you understand me?" He spat. She could never understand his past._

"_Yeah," she said honestly. "I think I have. . ."_

"_Shut up," he yelled, taking steps towards her and frightening her. "You wanna know what kind of human being I am?"_

_And with that he thrust the letter into her hand. The letter that he had cherished for over 25 years. The letter that held the secrets of his past and the restrains of his future._

"Don't! No!" Kate couldn't do anything except watch it happen. "Sawyer, please! You get your hands off him!" she yelled, and even against the rain she could feel the thick tears running down her face.

Pickett pushed him onto the ground.

"Please! I will do anything you want!" Kate screamed. She would do anything to save him, _anything._

"I want you to watch," Pickett replied, pointing his gun at Sawyer's neck.

"Close your eyes, Freckles," Sawyer told her sadly, using his favorite nickname and locking eyes with her. He didn't want her to see him die. Kate choked and saw the horrible defeat in his eyes. Would this be the last time she ever heard him call her Freckles? _No, no, no. This can not be happening. I love him._

"_I never wore pink," she smirked, waiting anxiously for his reaction. _

_She laughed as he threw up his hands and drank. _

"_I knew it!" she giggled._

"_The 80's," he murmured, reflecting. "I never voted democrat."_

"_I never voted," Kate smiled. He rolled his eyes._

_Sawyer paused and thought about his next question. After a few seconds he looked her directly in the eye and said "I've never been in love."_

"_You've never been in love?" Kate said incredulously, clearly not believing._

"_I ain't drinking, am I?"_

_Kate knew this was the truth as it was the most honest sounding thing he had ever said to her. She also knew it because she was sure that he wouldn't turn down an opportunity to drink. _

"Stand up!" she screeched at him, hoping for one last change. She had never directly said that she loved him.

"Close your eyes!" he bellowed at her. He couldn't bear to look at her anymore, so he turned his back to her. Would that be the last time he ever looked at her emerald eyes? He could hear the constant sobs. Sawyer knew that this was it. How he was going to die. He always knew he would be murdered with a gun. He just had no idea that he would fall in love and that woman would be watching.

"Don't you give up. NO! No!"

"_Why is it so important for you to be on that raft?" she asked him seriously, her voice trembling slightly._

"_Cuz there ain't anything on this island worth staying for," he replied after a pause._

_This had hurt her, more than he would ever know. And it hurt her that anything he could say would hurt her._

"_Be safe, Sawyer."_

Pickett readied the gun and Sawyer looked at him in disgust.

"This is for Colly, you son of a bitch."

Sawyer could hear the strain in his voice. Sawyer knew he cared deeply about that woman and even for a second felt pity for him. Only for a second.

Kate was bawling her eyes out against the cage. This was it, and she couldn't stop it. Like Tom and Kevin, she was going to loose the man she loved again. But Kate had never felt like this with either Tom or Kevin. The only one that mattered now was Sawyer.

"_And every time that I look at Sawyer -- every time I feel something for him -- I see you, Wayne. It makes me sick."_

"_That's about the sweetest thing I've ever heard," Sawyer chuckled, scaring her half to death. _

"_Sawyer?" she whispered. She was glad it was dark because otherwise he would have seen the red tinge of her cheeks._

"_Who the hell's Wayne?" he said, opening his eyes and taking in the beauty before him. "I'm in a bunk-bed?"_

"_Yeah, you're in a bunk-bed," she smiled._

"_Are we saved?"_

"_No, Sawyer. Not yet."_

"Danny you there? Pick it up! Pick it up, Danny. Pick it up, damnit!" echoed the voice of Tom from the walkie talkie.

Kate halted and her heart stopped. _Could it be?_

"I'm here! What?" Pickett screamed into the walkie talkie, his gun still pointed firmly on Sawyer.

"Are you anywhere near the cages?" Tom asked, trying to be calm.

"Yeah… you could say that."

"Give your walkie to Kate."

Kate looked over, able to hear the whole conversation.

"And why the hell would I want to do that?!"

"Because if you don't, the doctor's gonna let Ben die," Tom replied.

Kate was so relieved to hear that. She had never before been so thankful for Jack Shephard as she did now, and she was sure that Sawyer was thinking the same thing.

"What are you talking about?" Pickett exclaimed. "What's that beeping?"

"Just hand her the damn walkie, Danny! Do it! Just do it now!"

Slowly, without moving the gun away from Sawyer, Pickett walked over and handed the walkie talkie to Kate, while commanding the other man to let go of Kate.

Kate frantically grabbed it and asked desperately, "Jack?"

Sawyer jumped up from the ground and Pickett turned quickly with his gun on him.

Kate was so incredibly nervous while she waited for Jack, but his voice calmed her right down. It was reassuring.

"Kate, you have about an hour's head start before they come after you."

Kate was confused. She didn't know what was going on, and she was scared. "Wait, where are you?"

"You remember what I told you on the beach? The day of the crash. Do you remember what story I told you when you were stitching me up?"

What did that have to do with anything? But Kate did remember, instantly. His first solo spinal procedure on a sixteen year old girl. Sawyer was looking on intently.

"Do you remember it?" Jack bellowed into the walkie.

"Yes!" Kate cried, tears still streaming down her face. "Yes, I remember!" It had gone fine until the end, when he was stitching her up, he had ripped her dural sac and nerves spilled out of her like angel hair pasta.

"When you get safe," Jack told her. "You radio me, and you tell me that story." The terror was so horrible, but he let it take over only for five seconds, and after he counted to five the fear was gone and he closed the girl and she was fine.

The look in Sawyer's eyes made her so scared. She needed to count to five. What was going to happen to him? To Jack?

"Jack, please…"

"If I don't get a call from you in the next hour, I'm gonna know something went wrong and he dies!" Jack shouted off into the background and Kate figured he was currently in surgery and was talking to the nurses.

But no! She couldn't go! What about Jack? They couldn't leave without him.

"I can't leave without you."

"Yes you are, go!"

"Jack, I can't!"

"Go, now!"

"I CAN'T" she screamed. Jack had saved their lives and she needed him there for her.

"Kate, damnit, RUN!"

_Run. Run. Run._

The word echoed dreadfully in her head, and that was all she thought.

_Run. Run. Run._

What she was best at. Running away. From the Marshall, from Wayne, from her past.

The voices from the walkie died out and Kate was left gaping at Sawyer and Pickett. She knew what she had to do, even if she didn't want to do it.

"_I love you too."_

"1…2…" she whispered, audible enough for them to hear.

The three men looked at her strangely.

"Freckles, what the hell are you-"

"Shut up!" Pickett roared at him, shoving the gun up against his neck.

"3…4…" she said stronger, gripping onto the walkie and releasing her hold on the bar. Sawyer's life was in her hands. She stopped crying and took a deep breath.

"5."

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A/N: Did you like it? Was it crap? Should I continue? Review. :) 


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